It's Time for the NFL to Realign

    The good citizens of these United States struggle mightily with the subject of geography, and for decades, unscientific speculation has just about proven that the NFL is at the root of this deficiency. U.S. Students Are Terrible at Geography (usnews.com) 

    No one seems to know for sure when this decline began, but more than a few non-scholars have pinpointed Tampa Bay's placement in the NFC Central as the beginning of this downward slide into geographic ineptitude in the classroom. 

    "Something must be done!" a hallucinated source exclaimed before adding, "For the children!" The source declined to confirm if they were a mother or father, earthling or ET, but their passion regarding this subject matter was undeniable. They ran away in tears.

    Florida is on the southeast coast, but the Buccaneers were put in the Northernmost division... with the cold weather teams—Minnesota, Chicago, Detroit, and Green Bay—Brrr. In 1977, it was called the NFC Central, except Tampa is not in the central part of the country. Children did more than scratch their heads with bewilderment, these youngsters were dropped into the middle of a geographic hurricane, more disorienting than anything that's ever crashed into the Sunshine State. And they've never recovered. Now their children and grandchildren are dizzy with confusion, placed upon them by professional sports team owners, preoccupied with mascots and cool helmet decals. And more than simple answers or apologizes, America needs action.  

    In my opinion, the National Football League needs to take immediate steps to help educators, to give them a fighting chance in this battle of geographic blasphemy. Please, for the love of God in Heaven and our precious babies, realign the divisions. 

    In 2002, the NFL righted some of their zonal wrongs, but there is work yet to be done. (See 2002 Realignment.) For example, Indianapolis doesn't belong in the AFC South. The Circle City is further north than the Cincinnati Bengals, who are in the NFC North. We can only imagine how confusing this is for a little tyke in grammar school. The Colts should be in the North division.

    Then the Baltimore Ravens can be realigned too. As the crow... or raven fly, the Charm City is 100 miles from the Atlantic Coast. And Baltimore is south of the Mason Dixon Line, yet in the NFC North, an abomination in the eyes of many grit eaters. At least put them in the AFC East. 

    The Miami Dolphins, at the tip of Florida, are in the AFC East. Sure, they're on the coast and have been in that division for a long time, but we have computers and smart phones and a plethora of Starbucks now. Time moves on and so should the Dolphins... to the AFC South with fellow Floridian Jacksonville, and Southerners Tennessee and Houston.

    On to the NFC. The Dallas Cowboys are in the NFC East. Rivalries Schmivalries. They should be in the NFC South with New Orleans, Tampa Bay, and Atlanta. The Carolina Panthers should be in the eastern division. They're 200 miles from the ocean, but obviously closer to the east coast than Dallas. These silver helmeted teams need to do a simple division swap.  

    A wise man may have once said, "To live is to change. To change is to live. An unwillingness to change, would have derailed the end of Rocky IV." And for many people, that's the best Rocky movie. It's time to change. It's time to realign for the generations that follow... and Apollo Creed, who we lost too soon. And quite frankly NFL, if you don't fix this blatant misalignment, the aliens and AI win.